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Bog Standard

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone for daily publications, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, particularly within football. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli popped into a local college to access the restrooms in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled through the school like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach post a quick discussion within a restroom stall together with Football Association official David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet struggling national team changing area right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“What place could we identify for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A significant event in English football's extensive history happened in the old toilets of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. For better or worse, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: England fans, don’t take this era for granted. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We hardly glanced at one another, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|